EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A Betoota Heights woman who used to see her doctor for even the tiniest of ailments has been forced to curb her hypochondriac tendencies, after she was informed that her local clinic would no longer be doing bulk billing.
Maeve Plunkett [27] says the Betoota CBD Doctors was just one of many inner city clinics that had made the change, stating that it was no longer possible to find a bulk billing doctor unless you ventured far into the burbs – but even those are starting to disappear too.
Now, faced with the prospect of coughing up $80 a visit, Maeve has to be a lot more careful with her timing.
She explains her process to our reporter.
“Ideally, it’s best to get sick around the same time you need a new prescription”, she says, “that way you can get more bang for your buck.”
“Like, yeah, I was bleeding out of my asshole, but I still had two months left on my script so I just waited.”
“I’ve just gotta raw dog it for a while.”
However, Maeve says her clinic has now made it even harder for her to apply her cheat code, as they are now charging more for a ‘double session’, if she runs overtime.
“I’ve got to be really fucking fast.”
“I’ll show you.”
Miming knocking on a door and sitting on a chair, Maeve reenacts her last visit to show us how it’s done.
“Hi! Good thanks! Just three things today- first, I need a script renewal, yep, yep, it’s working fine thanks. Secondly, I have an ingrown toenail and it looks green, does that need antibiotics? Yeah it’s really painful. Yep cool, thanks…um, what else..oh yeah, I’m bleeding out of my ass! Two months now. Yeah on dad’s side actually…”
“See? Five minutes. BOOM!”
More to come.
