EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Local woman Tilly Haversham has this week been wrangled into attending a family function, with her mum laying on the guilt extra thick.
Using the classic tactics such as ‘you never come to anything’ and ‘it would mean a lot to me if you did’, her mum likely just didn’t want to be the only one forced to interact with the dad side of the family – a detail she made sure not to mention to Tilly, despite being asked multiple times.
“Is it the fun cousins or dad’s cousins?”asks Tilly, as her mum merely shrugs, “if it’s dad’s side I’m not going.”
“They’re fucking weird.”
Unlike her mum’s side of the family, who are pretty cool and normal, dad’s family consisted entirely of religious zealots, who not only peppered her with questions about her dating life and plans on children, but made sure to preach religion at every given opportunity.
“Remember when Sue told me I was going to hell for reading Harry Potter?”
“And those weird fake $100 notes with christian scripture on them that were left on the table at dad’s 50th?”
“I swear, I’ll tell them all I’m a satanic lesbian who practices witchcraft.”
“Fuck them and their 20 kids.”
More to come.
