Local Farmer Still Fantasises About Getting His Fucking Hands On Paul Keating

11 October 2016. 15:25

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Renowned Western Queensland grazier, Roger Tully (74) still can’t help think about all the sadistic things he would do if was lucky enough to spend a couple hours one-on-one with former Prime Minister Paul Keating.

Mr Tully says his livelihood as an agricultural producer was ‘put to the fucking test’ under the Keating Prime Ministership (20 December 1991 – 11 March 1996).

By dropping the floor price on Australian wool, deregulating the banks and floating the dollar, Paul Keating earnt himself a lot of enemies in the bush. Tully says that if he was ‘half-mad’ in the early nineties, he would have ‘the bloke’s head off with some pre-buyback era hardware’.

“That smug prick once said the best way to see the bush was on a commercial flight to Paris,”

“I’ll give him a real good reason to avoid this part of the world,”

While not trying to upset his wife of 55 years, Maggie, Mr Tully points out that in his recurring fascination, Paul Keating is held at gun point and forced into a cattle crush, where he is exposed to hours of Outback-themed torture.

“I always wanted to put my family brand on his arse,”

“Maybe douse him with a bit of unleaded and flick matches at him,

“Maybe shear his head. Just so he can get up close and personal with some form of agricultural, for once in his fuckin’ life,”

With the imminent sale of Kidman station to a Rhinehart-Chinese conglomerate reported this week, Mr Tully has no doubt in saying that the growing disconnection between politics and the bush is a direct a result of the Keating era.

“That little wuss was too caught up in collecting grandfather clocks and linen suits. He never did a thing for us,”

With a crazy look now in his eyes, Mr Tully’s wife suggests it might be time for a sugarcane champagne on the rocks before bed.

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