LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
What started as a normal day about the town now has a slight air of the obscure as local dad Wesley Moss (62) was seen eating a whole apple core as if it’s wartime.
After picking the fruit from his apple tree that literally everyone he has ever met knows about, Moss proceeded to walk from his home to the local township while munching the sweet fruit as if he were a naive child at the beginning of an 1800s coming of age tale.
At about 10:30 am, Moss was seen walking through the village eating the apple core in its entirety including stem, seeds and that weird little spiky bit at the bottom.
According to witnesses, Moss’s ration-era eating habits caused the bustling township to grind to a halt as shopkeepers pressed their faces against windows, cyclists lost control of their bikes and frightened children asked their parents what the strange man was doing.
“Morning,” Moss was quoted as saying to one passerby as if consuming the entire core of his apple was the most normal thing on Earth and not a sign of a crumbling society on the brink of self-destruction.
“Great day for it!”
Witness accounts state a large number of town’s population retreated to the town church once Moss had consumed the whole apple as if he had a curse that meant he could never be satisfied.
“I think he does it to intimidate people,” stated Moss’s eldest son Wendel.
“I once saw him open a beer bottle with his teeth and swallow the bottle cap. It was a twist top to for fuck’s sake.”
Speaking exclusively with The Advocate, Moss bit the top off a press microphone before running about with his arms by his sides yelling “feed me!”
