ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Leading figures in the Australian gas industry have warned that state and local governments that elect to ban gas from new developments risk losing some of the great pillars of our society.
Earlier this year, the Victorian Government announced that no new home or premises will be allowed to have gas connected to it. That leaves just electricity to cook their food and heat their homes. The ACT Government soon followed suit.
The gas lobby is fighting back against the leaders, saying that gas plays a critical role in this hell we call existence.
“It’s irresponsible to deny people who live in the coldest, darkest, most windswept shitholes in the country the ability to cheaply and efficiently heat their homes and cook whatever those people eat,” said Eromanga Basin gas lobbyist, John Quock.
“For example, you have people in Queanbeyan able to use gas, but people in nearby yuppie hellholes like Narrabundah, you have to heat your home using reverse-cycle air conditioning like a caveman. It’s madness. In a world without gas, there is no Thai food,”
“You can’t cook good Thai food on a leftie convection stovetop. It just doesn’t work. You need an absolute plume of burning gas to really get that sear. Like a fucking SR71 afterburner. Those fucking shock diamonds, man. That’ll all be gone,”
“Get stuck without a lighter? You’re buggered. No more lighting cigarettes off the stove. You’ll have to go out and find a servo or convenience shop to buy a lighter. You might think using your toaster or putting a tissue in a frying pan will get you through, but you risk burning the house down, don’t you? If you owned a motorbike, you could rev the guts out of it and hold the cigarette against the exit manifold, but who owns a motorbike these days? People with worms on the brain, that’s who,”
“Abandon gas? Do your ass!”
More to come.
