EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A French Quarter elderly couple have been forced to improvise their cruise trip this year, after they too, started to feel the brunt of the cost of living crisis.
Having committed to going once a year for a solid twelve years in a row, Geraldine [72] and George Parker [74] can no longer justify forking out thousands of dollars to spend two weeks sinking piss on a floating petri dish, seeing as not only do they have to supplement their lifestyle but also help out their adult children – a noble sacrifice that sees them counting their pennies for the first time in decades.
But luckily, George knows just what to do to cheer up his wife – have a cruise at home!
Speaking to our reporter, George says he was able to successfully recreate the cruise experience down to the smallest details.
“It’s actually been quite easy to have a cruise at home’, chuckles George, “I cooked a nice buffet lunch, made some mimosas.”
“Played the sounds of the waves lapping up against the ‘ship’, interrupted by the occasional shrieks of someones kids running around.”
“Unfortunately couldn’t get my hands on any pokie machines, so we just took turns playing Fish and throwing fistfuls of cash in the bin.”
Pausing to take a sharp intake of breath as he rubs his stomach, George apologies and says he’s still recovering from his ‘holiday.’
“I had to make sure we got gastro too, otherwise it wouldn’t feel authentic”, he admits, ruefully, “though I couldn’t really recreate the rocking sensation of violently expelling your bowels on a ship toilet.”
“Oh well.”
More to come.
