WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A line has been drawn in the sand today, from the South Coast of NSW all the way up past Noosa in Queensland.
With summer rapidly coming to its conclusion, locals in coastal communities have confirmed they’ve had enough of a new beach trend.
Those fucking beach shelters.
One long time coastal community member named Noosa Sawtell (76) explained to us that ‘council is going to have to pull their fingers out.’
“These blow ins can enjoy the last burst of blistering heat from summer, but after that, these marquees and tents are finished,” said the leathery old bloke in speedos.
“It’s not like the old days where umbrellas became a bit of a thing, these blow ins are claiming squatters rights on huge parcels of beach.”
“It’s too much, the council’s gonna have to ban these fucking things, because it’s a joke.”
The comments come as the nation’s beaches become tent cities from 9am onwards, with people loading up their beach trolleys and staking a claim to a few square metres of beach.
“It’s just ruining the natural beauty of the beach mate,” continued Sawtell, who bears the scars of multiple excisions from a life time of poor sun safety.
“Mate, all you need is a bit of sunscreen,” he laughed in retort to our reporters questions about the merits of sun safety.
“Look at me, all I ever took to the beach was a bit of sunscreen and I’m fine,” said the man whose skin looks the backside of an Elephant.
“The point is, it’s not about sun safety, it’s about people trying to piss on ‘their’ patch of land like a territorial dog.”
“That’s not how the beach works.”
More to come.
