MARIO STRADLATER | Local | Contact
After waking with a pulsing hangover, Larissa Mainland (25) asked her romantic love interest from the previous night if she could use his bathroom.
It was what she saw next that made her start planning her exit strategy.
“I wasn’t expecting there to be any facewash or anything, but I didn’t expect to see… that.”
What Mainland saw was a mangled, shipwreck of a toothbrush resting in an uncleaned drinking glass, spattered with dried toothpaste.
“I locked the bathroom door and started googling what it meant. I mean, I know he’s a Gemini, so there were a few red flags going off for me already. Mercury is in retrograde, so underdeveloped Geminis aren’t good for a Pisces like me. Luckily, I didn’t see it going past a one night stand anyway.”
The toothbrush in question belongs to local man, Kent Aardvark (29).
Aardvarks’ roommate, indie musician/adidas retail worker Ricky Jones (27), said, “Yeah look, I don’t know him that well, I really just needed someone to fil the second room.”
“One night he came into the living room and asked if I wanted to write a song with him and then he sat there listening to Creep by Radiohead on repeat mapping out the trajectory of the song and asking me if I knew what the protagonist wanted. He’s not a musician or anything, I think he works in tech.’
“He also asked me if he could use my phone one day to check his ex-girlfriends Spotify.”
“Between that and the plant propagation, I thought he was just doing a long, drawn-out bit. Like, deep character study or something.”
We contacted Riley Mascot, a local dentist, to see what her take on the situation was.
“Look, I’m no psychologist, but yeah, the blokes clearly got some generalised anxiety and a few other things going on. Teeth are the window to the soul in that way and sadly, you can’t brush all your problems away.”
