LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Horrible humanly bodily functions have ruined another trip to the pharmacist today but not in the way you might expect.
As someone without a long term female partner, bachelor Terence Boat (33) has been forced to take care of his medical ailments himself leading him to be on a first name basis with staff at his local pharmacy.
Unfortunately for Boat, a cheeky flirt here or there with pharmacist Lilly Haldon (32) has boiled to the point that it is now full blown sexual tension which means Boat will have to find another pharmacy, obviously.
“Isn’t this just so pathetically predictable of me,” mused Boat, his uncontrollable attraction to the opposite sex ruining his life once again.
“But today I was there to buy a hemorrhoid cream man. She can’t know about that, she follows me on Insta.”
According to Boat, his flirty relationship with the provider of his medicines started when he enquired about sleeping aids during which some borderline crass comments were shared about bedtime routines during which time Boat made it clear he owns a big bed with plenty of empty space, most nights.
Boat continued the flirtation with purchases that indicated positive hygiene and a commitment to manscaping which eventually gave way to an almost real feeling connection when the two discussed mental health after Boat finally found an antidepressant that didn’t make him more depressed.
However, when Boat caught himself about to make a comment about how Haldon would be more effective than a Viagra prescription, the total dummy realised he actually fancied her and would now need to go far far away to buy his medicine.
“The nearest pharmacy is a twenty minute drive away. Fuck it, too far. Just gonna have to start ignoring my health problems like normal Australian men.”
The Advocate reached out to Haldon to comment on the story and was asked to confirm exactly which weird creepy flirty guy Boat was as ‘there’s quite a few of them’.
