LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An Ascot mum cannot believe her luck today as she has once again been terribly inconvenienced by the renovations she demanded.
Also known as scrapbooking for rich people, renovations involve making structural and design changes to your home because you already changed your hair last month and it really can’t go any shorter right now.
Having watched The Block before, Ascot mum Helena Campbellbottom knows a thing or two about renovations and has previously received the as gifts for her 40th birthday present and as a shared 10 year anniversary present somehow.
Previous renovations have included a conservatory that gets used one a year, something called ‘a good room’ and a kitchen fitting so nice that everyone is forbidden from bringing food or drinks in there.
According to Campbellbottom, the renovations currently taking place in her already spacious and modern home are to celebrate the divorce they would no longer need to have if she could just have her renovations now please.
“We wanted an ensuite that was like a sort of wet room,” stated Campbellbottom, employing some very creative use of the word ‘we’.
“It’s like a bathroom but with no shower door so everything gets wet which is nice.”
The renovations have now meant that Helena’s dream bathroom is off limits to everyone but tradespeople which means she is forced to use the guest bathroom that only has one small row of vanity lights.
“I’m telling myself that for the time being I’m just glamping. Obviously it’s not ideal, nor is the fact that I have to go all the way down the hall if I need to go to the bathroom of a night, I mean honestly, it’s so far away, because the house is quite large as you can see, it’s so far to go every night but apparently I’m ‘not allowed to whinge about it!’ How Steve is managing I just do not know, he was going out the window before I put an end to that but honestly the whole thing has been a nightmare.”
When Campbellbottom asked her husband if he could get a solid answer from the tradies about when the whole thing might be done, Steve reminded his wife this was her bloody idea and that he’d be happy to shit in an Uber Eats bag if it saved him the time and money he has wasted so far.
“Yeah we had a big blow up, the two of us. Definitely going to bring that up later because I saw this great design for a walk-in bookshelf. My sister just got one and her husband doesn’t earn half of what Steve brings in so it should be easy…”
