Politics

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some breaking news out of Canberra this morning, Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed that he'd give anything for a boat right now. This comes after Labor looks set to scrutinise the $420 million dollars in contracts handed over to a company registered to a beach shack without a postal address. Dutton told mainstream media...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A source within the Liberal party has today told The Advocate that Prime Minister Scott Morrison is finally seeing the writing on the wall. After months of struggling to come to terms with the fact that Bill Shorten is more popular than him, The Advocate can now exclusively reveal Morrison’s grand plan to derail Bill Shorten’s Bradbury run...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Former Health Minister and professional child frightener Peter Dutton has made a plea to Australian’s everywhere to step up and ‘donate more delicious blood.' Following a stay in hospital due to an incident involving contact with the PM’s crucifix, Dutton states he now understands the importance of a well-funded healthcare system after a short stay in a private...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Prime Nightwatchman Of Australia has all but confirmed that his reelection campaign this year realistically amounts to gardening leave. The term gardening leave means an employee's suspension from work on full pay for the duration of a notice period, typically to prevent them from having any further influence on the organisation or from accessing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A confused and lost Clive Palmer took to social media today to concede defeat against a tricky IKEA dining chair, saying it was an even contest but the Swedish piece was simply too powerful in the end. But the barrel-chested Aries has said he's not finished with the snooty chair, with the 64-year-old Victorian...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Scott Morrison's executive decision to fly a private jet to the flood-ravaged North Queensland capital has been described a 'waste of time' by his office, after his poor choice of clothing left him completely invisible to the untrained eye. Aside from a few seasoned AJs from the Townsville barracks, almost no one in Townsville noticed that the Prime Minister...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just a day after political candidate Clive Palmer flew to the Menindee Lakes to help clean up the environmental disaster that is the mass fish kill, with a deep fryer and a couple bags of frozen chips - it appears the North Queensland mining magnate is back in the headlines. This time for sending yet another unsolicited text. This...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A tough week just got a lot tougher this morning for the National Party, after another one of its Parliamentarians became embroiled in a sex scandal. In an explosive turn of events, The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal today that the Queensland Senator and Federal Resources Minister Matt Canavan has been having an extra-marital affair for the last couple of years. Canavan...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today pleaded with members of the National Party to just ease up with their members for a bit. The nation's blokiest bloke made the call today following the announcement by Andrew Broad that he wouldn't be contesting the next election due to the 'Sugar Bady' scandal. The heartthrob from Mallee who scolded Barnaby for his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While ICAC raids the NSW Labor party headquarters, another federal Coalition frontbencher resigns from politics over using taxpayer money to in his unsuccessful efforts to wine, dine and sixty-nine a woman nearly twenty years his junior - many voters have had to ask themselves - what the fuck do these people even do? With pretty much every proposed...