“Why’d You Waste Money On That” Says Boyfriend Who’s Been Reusing Crusty Plastic Bottle Since 2016
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local girl is reevaluating the marriageability of her boyfriend today after realising that he’s a bit of a grot.
On route to doing a spin cycle class together at Elev8 fitness in Betoota Heights, The Advocate understands local primary teacher Steph Claire (28) realised that her bloke Hayden Dagwood (27) has a severe hygiene problem, and...
Polling Shows People Of NSW Pretty Keen To Try A New Government After 3 Years Of Bedshits
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Early polling has shown that the people of NSW are keen to try something new for the next three years because the previous three years have been a never-ending stream of self-indulgent fuck-ups and ICAC appearances.
Starting with the bushfires in 2019, the people of NSW recall the gutting of the Rural Fire Service by...
“There’s Too Many Migrants!” Says Patriot Who Reckons He’s Above Working Certain Jobs
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A young fella just looking for a place to rest his head at night is crestfallen today after yet another weekend of lining up to inspect yet another overpriced dogbox in a part of town that lacks even the most basic of services.
The nearest mailbox is a 15-minute walk, and the closest service station...
Doctor Has A Son That Is Also A Doctor
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local doctor has proudly told his mates down at the Royal Betoota Country Club that his son is now a doctor, which was received with the same mild fanfare you'd see after a 16ft chip-in on the 18th.
Our town's only ENT surgeon, Dr Gavin Clarke, explained to The Advocate that the district might...
Neo-Liberal China Hawk Says Killing Off Our Middle Class Is The Price We Have To Pay For Peace In The Indo-Pacific
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A self-congratulatory young man from our town's leafiest enclave has shrugged off suggestions that the government is putting too high a price on regional security while many across Australia are out on their arse just trying to survive.
Despite accepting that the nation is quickly turning into those who have and those who have not,...
Entitled International Student Comes Here And Expects That They Won’t Be Ripped Off
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a shocking turn of events, an international student has arrived at South Betoota Polytechnic and is demanding basic respect and value for their degree. The student, who has asked to remain anonymous for fear of retaliation, says that they are tired of being treated like a cash cow by the university.
"I came here...
Biden Assures Albo That Second-Hand Subs Will Hold Their Value Better Than A 300-Series LandCruiser
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
US President Joe Biden has hosed down concerns that Australians are getting a raw deal with the submarines, telling media in the US that the first three 'second-hand' boats that our Navy are getting will hold their value like a 300-series LandCruiser.
The President said on Tuesday that the first three submarines to be purchased...
RBA Put A New Toner Cartridge In Their Money Printer Ahead Of Submarine Invoice Arriving
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) has revealed that they've changed the toner cartridge in their money printer ahead of the arrival of a new submarine invoice from the British and US Governments.
According to insiders, the federal government has been pressuring the RBA to print more money to pay for the controversial submarine project,...
Avgeek Wants To Point Out That The Pejorative Term ‘Airbus Albo’ Isn’t Actually Technically Correct Because Some Of The Time, He Actually Flies On A Boeing 737 BBJ Instead...
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local aviation enthusiast has pointed out to The Advocate that the pejorative term 'Airbus Albo' is actually technically incorrect because while he does use an Airbus for some overseas travel, he often uses another make altogether.
Damien Lee is often found at Shepherd's Mount, close to the Remienko Memorial Aerodrome on our town's southern...
Uni Grad’s Transition From Labourer To White Collar Sees $6 Sushi Replace $4 Banh Mi For Daily Feed
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A local man has today spoken to The Betoota Advocate about the good life he's currently living.
The recently employed architect here in Betoota's Old City District told us that thanks to a new full time job, he's enjoy currently the perks of his labour.
Ripping into a 6 dollar sushi roll from the budget hole in the wall...
