LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Invitees to the Howard-Sy wedding are getting ready for an absolute belter as official invites to the nuptials confirm that it will be a child-free wedding.
Although weddings are known for having children scatter flowers about the place and be served a plate of chicken nuggets you hope they don’t finish so you can polish a few of, couples like the soon to be wed Jim Howard and Edwina Sy would rather there be no kids at their wedding.
“Do you know they cost the same per head as an actual human?” stated Sy, who has increasingly wished she had not reneged on her fiance’s offer of a registry office shotgun affair.
“They won’t want to be there and I won’t want to pay for them to be there so hows about we save some time and leave the kids at home plugged into some Bluey?”
Despite some parents being disappointed they could not bring their children to the wedding, many more parents are already booking in babysitters and preparing their livers for a debaucherous night of love and sin.
“I’ve got these weed brownies in the freezer from Flume 2017,” stated one parent who would rather remain anonymous due to the disgrace they plan on making of themselves on the special day.
“Pop those, get maggot, give Jim and Eddie their cheeseboard, double park for last call, and Uber it home with our heads out of either window so we dodge the cleaning charge.”
With these plans in place, expectations are high that the December wedding will truly be a night that is not suitable for children and not just childfree so the couple could dodge questions about having kids on their special day.
