EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Isolation madness is said to have hit couples the hardest this week, as people begin to realise just how unbearable their other half is. One such couple, Sam and Jessica both [22] had naively decided to take the plunge and bunk together after only dating for two months.
Faced with the prospect of potentially going weeks without bumping uglies or turning their relationship up a dial, the amorous pair figured they could pass the time rooting, cooking, and snuggling in bed.
However, the version of themselves they’d curated during the honeymoon phase, which for both was a watered-down version of their personality without all the bad parts, has started to crack through just days into quarantine.
Add to that the close confines of a small inner-city apartment and the general feeling of impending doom and the once beautiful burgeoning relationship has quickly fast-tracked into farting and burping territory.
“Can you please pick your towel off THE FUCKING FLOOR”, screams Jessica, as she holds up a limp, musty towel, “and would it kill you to rinse the sink after you shave?
“Looks like someone’s dropped a bag of pubes in here.”
When Sam countered that he’s surprised she has any hair left on her fucking head at the rate she sheds, a huffy Jessica storms off into the lounge to brood for a while before passive-aggressively removing the heart from Sam’s name in her phone.
More to come.
