RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
In a moment of scintillating clarity, an insurance industry think-tank has today realised that there are only two meteorological options remaining for this once great country.
Summers of extreme flooding or summers of extreme bushfire. That’s all.
And it has scared the living ba’geezus out of them because it means insurance providers will have to fork out millions of their hard earned profits each year to pay out claims from countless Australians who are finding themselves losing their homes, if not their lives, to these increasingly commonplace forces majeures.
But it’s not all doom and gloom, for the Creative Head of Thinking at the industry think tank, Sir Gregory Pendleton, claims the group has managed to brainstorm a foolproof answer to the industry’s terrifying conundrum.
“We tried paper/scissors/rocking for hours to understand our preferred option,” the worldly 57-year-old climate change sceptic told The Advocate via Skype.
“But that didn’t help us.”
“You see, there’s home and contents insurance claims and life insurance claims,” said the man quaffing a cigar from what appeared to be some kind of mahogany-laden war room.
“And the industry is only going to receive more of them as weather patterns become more…how do you say, ahh… ‘fucked-out’, so to speak. Pardon my French.”
“Yet what we realised is that all we need do as an industry is continue to take on more customers and acknowledge any claims that come through. But we need naught ever pay the claims out. That is the trick, you see? Acknowledge the claim, but never pay it out, boy. That’s our policy, bah hah hah. And voilà, profit!”
