LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
If the upcoming referendum for the Indigenous Voice from the Heart has confirmed anything it is that Australia is a harmonious nation where respect for other people’s opinions comes from a self-aware foundation of one’s own experience, knowledge and understanding.
Despite our nation clearly being a prime example of how discourse should proceed, Betoota’s most red-foreheaded man, Brian Iggott (66) can’t believe you just called him a racist, despite the fact no one was talking directly to him, near him or even at a volume that he can usually hear.
According to Iggott, who somehow ended up hijacking our interview in what was meant to be a story about head injuries, he is a free thinker, which is why he has voted ‘no’ in every single referendum or plebiscite in his entire adult life.
“Oh, so you all just think we’re a bunch of racists then do you?” Iggott barked at our interns, who were actually talking about the singing competition show, The Voice.
“Is that the best argument you’ve got? That we’re all racist? Because I’m not, I’m anti racist, I’m voting no because it’s racist to white people.”
While our reporting team assured Iggott that we really were trying to speak to him about how drastically his life has changed since that speaker conked him on the noggin at a Rose Tattoo concert, Iggott continued to assure us he wasn’t a racist and that it’s OK to vote no.
“And if something is OK then it can’t be racist because racism isn’t OK. I just wish that so-called tolerant people could understand this logic.”
Iggott then went on to explain that there was no way he could be any sort of bigot as he had voted for Pauline Hanson 12 times, who as a woman and a redhead is a ‘double minority.’
“Will there be a comment section on this article? I’ve got some more things I’d like to recommend that you do your own keyword searching on.”
It was at this point our reporting team realised that they had quite enough of this whole situation and began Googling rent prices in those micronations where they use poker chips for currency.
MORE TO COME.
