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CLASSIC MIX UP: One of rural Queensland’s most prominent business families have today denied accusations that they were involved in the weekend’s attempted coup against the Russian President.
As leading figures in the state’s South-West construction industry, the Wagner Family are well-known as the driving force behind Toowoomba’s Wellcamp Airport – Australia’s first privately-funded major airport.
However, their ambition rise – paired with a familiar surname – has somehow seen them confused with The Wagner Group. A network of sell-sword mercenaries that make up a private army led by Yevgeny Prigozhin, the Russian oligarch formerly with close ties to Putin.
“That’s not us” said one of the Toowoomba Wagners at a press conference today.
“I know certain parts of the media will willingly print rubbish, but we want to clarify that our family has nothing to do with the Wagner Group”
“We had nothing to do with the attempted rebellion against the Russian government. We’ve got a few different jobs on the boil – but no, we are not in the business of creating private paramilitaries to stage mutinies against foreign governments. We are more focused on runways and roads”
Unfortunately for the family, these firm denials are not enough to hose down the tin-foil hats in both the Queensland media and the dark corners of the internet.
“I dunno man” said one Darling Downs conspiracist, Tyrone Oakey, who watches too much Sky News.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Wagner family have their own private army. I mean, they’ve got their own airport. They’ve even got the bunk beds at Wellcamp to house soldiers as well. It makes sense when you think about it”
“Plus they’ve got form when it comes to toppling regimes. They were the only ones to take down Alan Jones. It’d actually be easier to overthrow Putin”
However, the Wagner family insist they have no plans to expand outside of regional Queensland just yet, except for a couple jobs in Brissy.
“We, like all honest Queenslanders, we handed our guns back in when John Howard asked us to in 1996” said Mr Wagner, today.
“And despite what some people are saying – no, my brothers and I did not spend the last week marching towards Moscow”
