EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Though she loves nothing more than receiving a few juicy voice notes from her friends, Kat Chen [35] can only allocate so much of her attention to hearing a stream of consciousness – especially if the first thirty seconds aren’t delivering a punch.
For those who are unaware of the correct formula for gossip, it should be preceded with a single clickbaity message to get the excitement going (‘omg dude you won’t believe what just happened’), followed by a short series of voice messages that start off with the drawcard (‘I just saw Ben’), and then build up to the climax (‘he was so fucking rude to me’ ) and then some kind of personality assessment (‘he’s fucked, and incapable of forming a healthy relationship with anyone.’)
But Kat’s bestie has today used the voice note function to instead verbalise what appears to be her entire internal monologue, shooting through ten minute long messages, despite Facebook allowing you to upload up to thirty minutes.
And she’s still typing.
“Eugh I’m so mad I was just at work and my boss got angry at me for being late, and you know what, he’s just been such an asshole the past few weeks and I’m over it. He was just..so rude about it….and I don’t know, I might quit, I’m not sure…”, babbles Zoe.
“Like, I was only five minutes late…eugh…I feel like he’s meaner to me, my other coworker is late all the time but it’s fine apparently because she has kids…I don’t know, it’s just…I don’t have long lunch breaks…and that coworker brings her fucking annoying dog in all the time…I don’t know…I might go back to studying.”
Skipping to the last message in the hopes it’s some kind of wrap up, Kat finds Zoe is still fucking going.
“Maybe psychology…actually I probably can’t afford that HECS…interest rates are fucked…actually apparently you have to be good at maths to do psychology which I didn’t know…do you want to move to Sydney with me?”
More to come.
