CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After nearly 250 days in lockdown, citywide riots and an earthquake to match – life isn’t that pleasant for Melbourne residents at the moment.
That is, for most of them anyway.
But not for every heart that beats true for the red and blue.
Life’s actually quite good for Melbourne’s inner-city elite, because this Sunday at 5.50pm (Perth time), a football team they have mostly ignored for 56 years will be taking to the field for the AFL grand final.
The Demons have not won an AFL premiership since 1964, the longest current drought in the AFL. And with their much-ridiculed bourgeois fans unable to visit the ski-fields in lockdown, this year has seen a reignited supporter base from the leafy fringes of western Toorak through Caulfield Racecourse.
Local billionaire property developer, Clyde Kimberley-Stonington (77) says life is pretty good right now – and coming from a multigenerational wealth-hoarding South Yarra aristocrat like him – that’s saying something!
“Spirits are high at the Melbourne Club, that’s for certain haha!” says Clyde.
“We’ve got my beloved Ds in the Grand Final and we’ve got the construction union imploding right before our eyes”
“It’s just marvellous!” he chuckles.
For too long the tattooed heathens of the CFMEU have been a thorn in Clyde’s side, as he works tirelessly to build endless high-rise unit blocks with one lick of paint and highly flamable cladding.
He says that the rolling TV footage of trade union members descending into violent conspiracy-charged civil unrest has been the greatest gift to his industry since the introduction of independent private certifiers.
“I must send a thank you to Rupert!” he says.
“This Sky News experiment has worked seamlessly. Finally these thugs are being exposed for the violent morons they are.”
“It’s amazing at how easy they were to defeat. All it took was a few scary front pages on the Herald Sun and some low-effort talkshows… As well as whatever poison they are sharing to each other on social media”
“Looking at all of these decrepit workers destroying their own union in broad daylight… I can’t stop laughing”
But Mr Kimberley-Stonington’s week is far from over. He’s still got a Grand Final to watch on Sunday – and his team are paying much better odds than their opponents, the Western Bulldogs.
“Oh if we manage to snatch a flag from those Footscray commoners as well… That would just be the icing on the cake”
“My goodness it hasn’t been a good year for the help [laughter]”
