CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

With the 2022 AFL Grand Final kicking off at 2:30pm this Saturday, there couldn’t be a better group of blokes given the opportunity to take part in the Big Dance.

This weekend’s match-up of the Swans and the Cats is a net positive for the AFL, with two non-Melbourne teams going all the way through to the the hallowed turf of the G.

Both Sydney and Geelong, with millions of fans between them, represent two clubs not commonly associated with the boys club rot of the Melbourne elite – and have given the game a good breather from the relentless carry-on that comes with one of the wealthy inner-city clubs winning a flag.

Aside from the sycophantic media coverage, a Melbourne derby Grand Final also brings with it a giant rug for toxic club culture to be swept under every time one of these megarich institutions bring home the silverware.

This week, in the lead up to the big day, another Melbourne club has reluctantly outed themselves for cult-like mistreatment of both players and their families.

An external review commissioned by the Hawthorn Football Club will reveal allegations that key figures at the AFL club demanded the separation of young Aboriginal players from their partners, and pressured one couple to terminate a pregnancy.

The review document, which is now with the AFL integrity unit, is similarly explosive to the Collingwood FC ‘Do Better’ review of 2021, and has painted these deranged old toffs from Hawthorne in the same light.

According to the families of three players interviewed, the incidents at the centre of the review allegedly took place during a period in which the club won four AFL premierships, a winning streak that was glorious enough to hide all of their torturous treatment of vulnerable young athletes and their loved ones.

During the period of the review, Hawthorn had more than 20 First Nations players, many of whom were bullied and removed from their homes – with staff telling them to choose between their careers and their families and coercing them to remove SIM cards from their phones and insert new ones in attempts to cut them off from their partners.

In the wake of the review, the rest of that nation is today posing the question: What the fuck is wrong with you creeps.

It is of no surprise that this story has been dropped in the middle of the Queen’s funeral and the AFL grand final, and will likely be a distant memory by this time next week. It is assumed that droves of Hawks supporters in the media and political arena will today defend these ‘hiccups’ as ‘unfortunate oversights’ – and the Aboriginal footballers will be painted as ‘sooks’.

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