From 5:00pm yesterday and until 11:59pm on Wednesday, residents of Sydney’s Northern Beaches must remain home and only leave for essential reasons such as work, shopping, medical care, compassionate grounds and exercise.

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has not yet rolled out further restrictions for Greater Sydney, as contact tracing suggests majority of the outbreak has been contained to north of Manly Beach.

The temporary lockdown is being compared in severity to the earlier nationwide lockdown in late March, however Sydney locals believe this new strain has a uniquely ‘Northern Beaches’ vibe to it.

After a week bouncing between the Avalon Bowlo and the Avalon RSL, it seems the Northern Beaches cluster has immediately given up on the idea of public transport – and would prefer to stay north of the spit bridge and catch some waves.

Yesterday, Northern Beaches residents told The Betoota Advocate they were shocked to learn the virus had even bothered making it’s way into the North Shore and the city because ‘it was such a trek bro’.

Locals say they are surprised that the virus hasn’t already settled down with a girl ten years younger than it and started working as a roofer’s apprentice – after a fortnight chilling in the beaches.

NSW Health remain hopeful that a big surf swell will hit the region in the next few days, which would distract the cluster until lockdown ends on Wednesday.

However, it seems the virus is already making plans for Christmas Eve, and is believed to be sending messages to the oyzies on the group chat today.

“Oi anyone keen for Mona on Christmas Eve?” asked the virus.

“Who’s keen? I wanna smash the d-floor in the back bar”

“Was gonna hit the Arms but they don’t have VB anymore since Hemmes took over haha”



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