CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In a sure sign that the British Empire is in the midst of a rapid decline, the Coronation Of King Charles appears to have been a 3rd page news story in Australia.
In fact, it would seem that every media organisation in Australia has given this one a wide berth – except for our public broadcaster of course, as ABC Chair Ita Buttrose demands her journalists take this news story as seriously as The Women’s Weekly would have in the 1970s.
Even the white supremacist anglophiles on Murdoch’s Sky News panels were struggling to exaggerate the importance of this apparently highly relevant moment in Australian history, as the British Royal Throne was passed down from that lovely old lady to her son that cheated on Princess Diana and then left her for dead at the hands of the vicious paparazzi.
Channel Nine, Network Seven and Ten didn’t even bother to send any journalists over for the decadent display of colonial wealth-hoarding, with many opting to just syndicate British coverage with Australian commentary.
Our nation’s underwhelming lack of interest and respect for the Royal Family has infuriated Australia’s last remaining Monarchists, a dying segment of the population mostly made up by high-ranking lavender-scented Young Liberals and cranky boomers who think King Charles is the only man who can save us from an Indigenous Voice.
Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, our town’s most outspoken young monarchist Alfred Thistlethwaite-Hopscotch (28) says it’s disgraceful that the Australian media and public were more interesting in the NRL’s annual Magic Round than they were in the belated promotion of a billionaire British aristocrat.
“What’s the big deal?” asks Thistlethwaite-Hopscotch, a local law student and Betoota Young Liberals secretary.
“Oh wow, eight matches of football on the one oval. That should not dominate the news over the coronation of our Majesty, The King”
As Thistlethwaite-Hopscotch points out, the non-stop news updates of neckless young working class men from multicultural backgrounds has taken the spotlight away from The British Royal Family, and in turn, the Church Of England, which are the two core tenets of the Australian identity.
“Wayne Bennett is NOT my King!” he says.
“No I do not care that Valynce Te Whare scored two tries on debut for the Redcliffe Dolphins against the Cronulla Sharks”
