Pro-western Ukrainians are breathing a sigh of relief today after our very own Foreign Minister Marise Payne issued a stern ultimatum to Russia.

Speaking with Russian President Vladimir Putin this morning, Payne reportedly told the global superpower that if they wanna blue, they need to hold up for a few decades.

“I told him our single figure fleet of submarines won’t be ready for at least ten years, and the old American tanks we bought aren’t good to be good to go for a while either, so he’s just gotta woo up a bit,” Payne said to The Advocate this morning.

The strong words were issued as reports emerge that Russia has amassed enough tanks on the Ukrainian border to take the capital city Kyiv.

It’s believed there are probably enough tanks to take the rest of the country as well, with the world fearing a full-blown conflict if Russia decides they want to invade Ukraine.

However, it seems that Marise has achieved what French President Emmanuel Macron couldn’t in his negotiations with Putin, and forced the Russians to back down from an imminent invasion.

“Initially Vladimir said he didn’t feel like waiting until after 2032, but I told him it wasn’t fair if he started without us,” said Payne.

“Because we spent 100s of billions of dollars on these little sea pods and it would be annoying if we didn’t get to use them”

“I’m not sure what Vlad plans to do with all those tanks now, but they are just going to have to play cards or something for the next few decades.”


It’s not yet known how the Australian Defence Force plans to stop the 200,000 land-based Russian troops with a handful of submarines, but luckily we have a fair while to figure that out.

More to come.


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