Maroubra woman, Mary Macey (33) has today returned to reality, after a glorious fortnight of finding herself heavily emotionally invested in different sporting events that she only thinks about every 4 years.

As a locked down hairdresser, currently living off the pitiful disaster payments that her accountant has taken two weeks trying to figure out, the embattled young mother is only today realising how fucked the whole situation is in Greater Sydney.

“I really got a good dose of Olympic fever this year” she says.

“I was way more into the Tokyo Games than I was with Rio or London… I don’t know why”

“It was a survival tactic I think.”

Nearly 24 hours after the final event ran it’s race, Mary is now learning that the outside world – the one that’s she been able to avoid with the last two week’s worth of fairytale sporting victories and heartbreaking sporting tragedies – is just as grim as it was when the NSW Government first told her to stay home.

“We haven’t been doing any homeschooling in this house either”

“My girls are now fully versed in the point scoring systems of rhythm gymnastics and equestrian”

But now there is a vacuum. One that not even a middle-aged Penrith Panthers bandwagoning can fill.

“I thought about the rugby league. But I reckon there was less names to learn in the entire Olympics than there was in the NRL” she says.

“I dunno. Maybe I’ll just start going on YouTube and letting obese American video bloggers enlighten with their controversial theories that undermine public health orders”

“I just really could use a few heats of European dominated endurance cycling right now”


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