Australia’s new festival of rugby league went off without a hitch on the weekend!

Aside from the devastating number of injuries that occur after playing 8 matches on the same football field.

And, aside from the explosions match suspensions that resulted from the implementation

Other than all that. Success!

By rugby league standards, that is.

The mere fact that 300 contracted NRL players could be in the same place – at the same time – with endless access to booze, gambling and every other vice without one arrest for off-field misconduct is a great result.

The Magic Round, which sees every NRL match of the round played in Brisbane across one weekend, was first held in 2019, and in it’s second year it has generated over $20 million for the local economy – as thousands of visitors travelled in from interstate.

Aside from the logistics and marketing, the number one priority for the NRL over the weekend was ensuring that none of their neckless noble savages ended up in the Roma Street watch house.

On Friday, the city of Brisbane announced that they were ‘sandbagging’ nightlife precincts in preparation for the devastation caused by drunk and toey rugby league players.

Only now, two days since the final whistle at Suncorp, can the game’s administrators begin patting themselves on the back for a job well done.

Zero arrests, and only 16 impregnated Instagram influencers who will be now left to raise their bastard children on their own.

A statement by the Queensland Police has clarified that the boys were on their best behaviour, but admitted they were probably given a long leash.

“Our officers can’t help their gotdam selves” read the official statement.

“You see a State Of Origin player walking around the Valley at 2AM, as if you aren’t gonna ask for a pic”

“Unfortunately, this rugby league star power can often blind our officers to the perhaps very brazen criminal behaviour taking place in front of them”

“That said, no one was fighting and all the girls said they were being very gentlemanly…

“The new rules work!!!”


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