ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A resident of our town’s leafiest and most exclusive enclaves is calling on the government today to subsidise electric vehicles to the point where the working poor will be able to afford them.

Remienko Point resident Roger Bow-Childs explained to our reporter that the only way forward for vehicles is electric, even if it means paying Congolese warlords to force children at gunpoint to hose rare earth minerals out of a hillside in order to create the batteries for the vehicle.

“Right now, we don’t have the infrastructure to properly have a widespread electric vehicle network,” he said.

“And the right way to create one is essentially rail-road local, state and federal governments into building a network of charging stations and whatnot. They also need to make electric vehicle ownership easier for the layperson to achieve. When the working poor, the modern peasant or wage slave, has access to an electric car, the network will come,”

“It’s a supply and demand issue, really. In order to build demand, there have to be more electric cars. Then the supply will come. The concept is so simple, a road worker could understand it.”

One local Shire Council worker worker spoke to The Advocate this morning about whether they’d drive an electric car if they had to chance to own one.

“I’d probably get something else,” said Michael Kennedy, who works the road team six days a week.


“Like what happens if you’re low on volts or whatever and you’re miles from town? You’re fucked then, you’ve gotta get some cunt to come out with a genny [generator] and juice the thing up before you can get it into town. You can shove that. Like even if they were cheap as chips, I’d rather drive a fucken Captiva. I mean, it might not get you to town on the count of it being a honkin [sic] piece of shit, like the timing belt might slip off when you’re revving the cunt, making it moan like Scotty Cam in a dress shop. But like, at least you could just torch the cunt [Captiva] where if you torched a Tesla, the fucking computer would rat on you to the pigs like the cunt’s covered in cameras and it’d go like, ‘Fucken beep beep help some cunt is torching me, someone is committing the victimless crime known as insurance fraud, oh no somebody stop this man torching his car just because it’s fucked and it’s a cunt of a world to get ahead in and it’s hard enough without your fucking piece of shit over-insured Captiva fucking out on you,’ and stuff,”

“So yeah, not for me those cars.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here