ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A well-known and outspoken former wrist-spinner has told reporters today that he feels the punishment handed down to ball-tampers Steve Smith, David Warner and Cameron Bancroft are ‘fair and just’.

Shane Warne, who shot to fame in the mid-90’s for his ability to take bags of wickets, turn the ball around corners and embody the red-blooded Australian male, explained his reasoning to The Advocate a short time ago.

“They were caught cheating red-handed and admitted to it,” said the Melbournese man.

“Copping a 12-month ban is fair. They fucked up and deserve to be punished. They’ve gone and taken a game that unites the country, a game that every Australian can get behind – and they’ve fucked it. I also did the same thing,”

“In 2003, I took a banned diet pill to look a bit more svelt in the team photo. The outrage back then was intense, I was hounded through airports. Reporters went through my garbage and people openly booed me in the street. But I did my time, then I came back a year later and resumed my position as the greatest sportsman and representative of the great Australian ethos of ‘fuck you’ – Ricky Ponting is my mate. I’ve seen Justin Langer karate chop and bloke into next Tuesday back in Kingston! I’m the fucking man!”

However, quite a number of cricket commentators and analysts have said the punishment doesn’t fit the crime.

“Outrageous,” said one of them.

“They got the same punishment as Shane Warne, who did nothing wrong and Cricket Australia needs to apologise to him and the public for robbing us of classic moments,”

“It needs to happen now.”

Moe to come.


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