In a rare example of micromanaging, dad has decided to sit out on the grilling of red meat today, and instead opted to stand next to the Weber and essentially doing everything but holding the tongs.

While you’re sure you’ve never seen your dad operate the BBQ before, chatting with him over the snags is like discovering a new man as you learn he is full of culinary tips.

“Think the heat might be too high there mate. What you want to do is cook them low and slow, you should never have to pierce a sausage to stop them from exploding.”

Today it seems, dad is not the only one who is full of Blumenthalian tips. While passing by, Uncle Brian coats the onions you are cooking with a splash of beer from his nearly finished tinnie of VB.

“Gives them a bit of a taste. An Uncle Brian original!”

Meanwhile, as you choke in the smoke of your grandparents rarely cleaned grill, your family are having a loud and cheery discussion, while smashing a few of the dinner rolls your nan brought out too early and demanding to know what’s taking so long.

“C’mon mate, is it nearly ready? Haha, we’re starving!”

At the tail end of the cooking, your cousin Vera asks if you can do her tofu for her quickly, before taking a seat at the kids table with the other children.

Not all was a letdown, as during lunch Aunt Jeniene mentioned it was “nice to see you here for a change” and pondered as to why you aren’t there more often. At this point, you realise the cider that half-pissed Aunt Jeniene is nursing, was one you brought with you.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here