After months of stoking fears around vaccinations, until enough vaccinations arrived for him to not have to delay their roll-out, the Prime Minister is back to patting himself on the back for his incredible efforts to vaccinate 3.6 million people in the same time America managed to vaccinate 129 million people.

This comes as two “likely positive” cases of COVID-19 are being investigated in Melbourne’s north, according to Victorian contact tracing authorities.

These concerning numbers have sparked concerns there may have been previously undetected transmission of the virus from a case that was confirmed several weeks ago.

Victorian health authorities believe the two people are connected and a full public health investigation into their cases is under way.

However the Prime Minister Morrison says this new outbreak would be much, much worse if he hadn’t gotten to work three-months ago and begun rolling out vaccinations for a very niche segment of Australians who meet a very strict criteria.

Morrison says we are starting to see the fruits of his hard work.

“Imagine how bad this could have been” he said.

“This outbreak, that will almost definitely shut down all the state borders to Victoria for the next fortnight, and ruin all domestic tourism and business, would be so much worse if we hadn’t started immunising when we did”

“Before we realised that two people out of 3,600,000 people had developed blood cots from the first vaccine that I ordered from that flash uni that Tony Abbott went to…”

“And then told everyone to stop taking it, so I could buy time to secure a second and third option like the Health experts had been telling me to since August”

“Before eventually slowing down the roll-out to the point where we can now blame our own citizens for vaccine skepticism, after terrifying them with the blood clot yarns, and then vilifying them for not going and getting their Astra-Zeneca jab anyway”

“All said and done, we’ve managed to jab a few people”

Morrison says his government’s commitment to slowly vaccinating the entire population is the reason that only two ‘likely possible’ cases have been found in Melbourne today.

“So yeah, while Dan Andrews hides away in ICU, I think we should give a polite applause to the Federal Government for neutralising the threat of a third wave in Melbourne”

“And we couldn’t have done that without finding 1.6% of Melbourne’s adult population”


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