Apart from briefly popping his head up on Friday to reveal that he will be now using the term ‘phases’ instead of ‘targets’ or ‘horizons’ whenever discussing his bungled jab roll-out programme, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has been missing in action for the best part of a month.

While Premiers continue to front daily media conferences to explain to worried voters just how the fuck we have managed to find 50% of our population locked down again 6 months after the rest of the world began administering jabs to their own citizens, Scotty From Marketing has remained silent.

Political analysts say that this is because he has nothing to say that will improve his brand with the Australian voters, like he did in early June when he patted himself on the back for the AFP’s ability to arrest heaps of bikies.

Or when he stoked racial tensions by demanding China take the blame for this pandemic, in turn crushing our trade relationship with the biggest economy in the world.

So while our involuntarily unvaccinated frontline workers continue to tackle yet another outbreak of this highly contagious Delta variant within the Aged Care system, Scotty From Marketing is keeping his head low – leading many to ask questions like ‘what does he actually do with himself if he isn’t half-heartedly leading the nation?’.

The answer, according to his neighbours in Kirribilli, is play Christian rock power ballads as loud as he can while air guitaring in his multi-million dollar tax-payer funded harbourside mansion.

“He’s been going for days” says one neighbour.

“Just deodorised virgins singing about Jesus.”

“It’s clear the man is running from something”

“He must have gone through at least 50 Hillsong albums, he’s starting to replay the CDs as they finish”

Earlier today it was reported that several members of the Prime Minister’s security detail resigned on the spot on mental health grounds, claiming they could not handle another rotation of Hillsong founder Brian Houston’s son Joel Houston’s breakout album ‘Extravagant Worship’.

“It’s like that movie LEAVING LAS VEGAS’ in there” said one of the Kirribilli House gardners.

“Except he’s completely sober”

Another neighbour says if Morrison wasn’t such a wowser Tupperware Christian, she’d be worried about him.

“He’s just trying to drown out all of the phone calls from State Premiers and journalists who are demanding answers as to why he hasn’t built Federal Quarantine factilities and why he only ordered the Oxford University jab that gives everyone blood clots”

“I don’t think he has the answers, that’s why he’s hiding in there blaring the worst music known to man”


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