Proof that sometimes in life you have to put in major yards for a minor reward, a couple of stubborn little pistachios in a $14 bag are really making you work for those savoury green morsels.

Known as The Best Ice Cream Flavour (as voted by people in their forties), pistachios are also a popular food for snackers with a disposable income who love a cathartic cracking snack that leaves behind a trail of tiny pinky-nail-sized shells.

Unfortunately for some snackers such as Susan Braithley of Betoota Heights, some pistachios have pushed her to the absolute limit all in the name of four calories.

“This batch must have been raised on tank water” stated Braithley, as she inspects her chipped finger nails.

“The shells are dense and the salty morsel of delicious tree nut are hardly worth the output of physical exertion”

However, as Susan points out, this all part of the game – and if she wanted a cruisey snack she would have picked up a bag of cashews.

“That or the pre-cracked, salted pistachios”

“But I’m not made of money… So I’ve just gotta fuck around with these sells”

“I keep the ones I can’t open in a sandwich bag which I run over with my car every Friday. The ones that survive that I release back into the wild…you have to accept, sometimes they just get away.”



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