Former attorney-general Christian Porter has today claimed victory over the estimated 900,000 wild emus living in Western Australia

This comes as a surprise to his voters in the WA wheatbelt, considering the fact that the Great Emu War is widely recognised as Australia’s first humiliating military loss, and one that the state’s agricultural sector has never been able to live down.

The Great Emu War is recognised as one of Australia’s most over-the-top nuisance wildlife management programmes, which ended up becoming a military operation.

In 1932, public concern was growing over the number of emus that were hindering farming in the Campion district of Western Australia. The war was unsuccessful in it’s attempt to cull populations of the large flightless bird, even after employing soldiers armed with Lewis guns.

To this day the emu population continues to cause destruction and delays for crop farming.

However, Christian Porter MP insists today that he alone has won this 90-year-old war against the Emu.

Despite not even firing one decent shot, Porter remains committed to the narrative that he has done an astounding job in defeating the the native wildlife. His claims have been supported by Sky News and other journalists that want him to eventually be Prime Minister.

Australia’s highest-paid stay-at-home public servant says that the state’s emus should be ashamed of their “humiliating backdown” and that the emus lost this war “no matter what way they want to spin it”.

Mr Porter has also said that by finally winning this war against the emu, he has only reaffirmed his decision to not stand down as the local member for Pearce.

“I don’t want to do anything that disrupts the service of this government to the Australian people during what has been an unprecedented and challenging 90 year war against the Emu” he said.

“I remain completely committed to the people of my electorate and absolutely will be running at the next election.”

The Emus say they have no intention of backing down, and will continue to destroy crops without facing any repercussions from the dry-drunk mining shills in the Coalition – in the same way the mice plague has been able to conquer the Western NSW farmlands.


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