NSW Labor leader Jodi McKay has announced her resignation following weeks of escalating pressure from within the party.

This mutiny appears to have been triggered by the statistically guaranteed loss that her party suffered at the Upper Hunter By-Election, as the hobby farmers and polo horse breeders took to the ballots to make it clear that they couldn’t give a fuck about workers rights, or whatever the fuck Turnbull’s Independent was banging on about.

“No one has asked me to stand aside,” Ms McKay said today, as she stood aside.

It is not yet known who will take on the reigns as leader of this near terminal party, who still can’t manage to get a look in, even after three successful Liberal premiers littered with corruption and hypocritical Christianity.

With literally not one household name in the entire party, the best bet will be a good looker who can handle an interview with Alan Jones.

That’s if they decide to hire internally.

There also has been chatter of triggering a by-election in the state seat of Keira in Wollongong by forcing the sitting member Ryan Park to resign.

This would give Labor the opportunity to the shoehorn the NRL CEO and head of Racing NSW, Saint Peter V’Landys into the safe seat, before making him leader.

Born in Greece before migrating to the Gong as toddler, Peter V’Landys is known right around Australian as the little engine who can.

First he took on the Catholic Church and made them pay big money to use Randwick racecourse for their weird youth conference thing.

Then he took on Victoria, as a state, managing to overshadow the 2020 Melbourne Cup and the AFL grand final with both of his superior northern products.

The old codgers in Trades Hall believed that maybe Peter was the guy to take down Gladys.

Unfortunately, this bold, refreshing and possibly successful plan was veto’d before it even got legs.

“We thought about it… We really did” says NSW ALP General Treasurer, Yassie Canva.

“But unfortunately, someone like Peter, who was able to save horse racing from the equine flu, and the NRL from COVID-19… and has proven he knows how to sell a product to the masses…. and is probably the first sports administrator to by mythologised into Western Sydney martyrdom….”

“He just resonates too well with the working class”

“We’d hate to ostracise our base by appeasing people who like sports ball and that cruel horrible Australian past time of whipping horses”

“I think we might just find a candidate who represents our ideals a bit better. You know, someone who wants more bicycle lanes in Sydney’s inner-city and someone who is nice to immigrants but doesn’t let them live on their street”

“If these policies don’t appeal to the bogan voters, then that’s their problem, we are perfectly fine in opposition”

“It’s not our fault Murdoch never gives us any air time!”


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