Bill and Melinda Gates decided to divorce several months before the May 3 announcement, according to the salivating American tabloids.

This tops off a stressful year for Bill Gates, who has been at the centre of conspiracy theories since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic – as terrified social media users desperately try to point the finger at the cause of their financial insecurity.

The Microsoft founder, 65, and his wife of 27 years announced their split on Monday.

Since then, the Betoota Advocate has reported diligently on Bill Gates’ descent into a ‘grey divorcee’.

First there was the story about him joining the controversial Australian lads forum, ‘Blokes Advice’ – better he inevitably began to explore the Aussie divorcee cliches of boat ramp rage and out-of-control gambling.

Melinda Gates, 56, reportedly spent the weekend at a bottomless brunch with the girls, where she was reminded constantly that she can do better and that they never thought the world’s richest man was that much chop anyway.

Sources close to Melinda’s girl-gang say that there was reportedly a guy looking at her at the bar they were at, and you know, maybe not yet, but it’s worth knowing that she’s still got it.

Rolling out of bed on Sunday with a Prosecco hangover, Melinda then began her spring cleaning on Facebook marketplace.

First up, Bill’s virtual home golf simulator, which costed the family $200k to buy and install during the lock down”

“I’m going with 150k or nearest offer” says Melinda.

“But willing to go lower if someone wants to dissemble my living room”

Melinda says fumigating Bill’s extreme nerd vibes out of her house have been pretty easy now that she doesn’t have to stay loyal to mMcrosoft.

“Finally I can use an Apple computer” she says to our reporters.

“This shit is so much easier”


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