NEW HORIZONS! Well over half the population are currently in lockdown, As Scotty From Marketing finishes his second week in isolation after his self-indulgent trip to the UK to eat lunch at a pub where his ancestors apparently came from.

However, as the general public begin to process the graphs that show Australia has the worst jab roll-out program in the world, the PM has had to pop his head up for five minutes last night to unveil a new plan to confuse the news cycle and distract from his criminal negligence.

Scotty has announcing anyone under the age of 40 can now approach their GP and request the AZ jab, just a couple months after he said experts had recommended they don’t take it, because of the blood clotting fears that he drummed up in the Murdoch papers in an effort to stall his roll-out and shift the blame away from the fact that he didn’t order enough jabs in the first place.

AZ was initially earmarked for Australians over the age of 60, due to the risk of rare blood clotting disorders linked to the this lacklustre Oxford patent that Scotty only ordered because so many of the blue blood toffs in the Liberal Party are so proud of the fact that their dads paid for them to attend the elite British institution of higher learning as a pathway into Federal Politics.

That medical advice, which the Prime Minister is now pretending he didn’t receive, predictably resulted in extreme reluctance from the Baby Boomers, who made it clear they wanted to wait for the less blood-clot-prone jabs that were meant for young people.

So now, with not enough doses of the new, preferred, jab – Scotty has made the executive call to allow young people to get the AZ shot – but only after they ram GP offices around the country to get clearance.

With the baby boomers refusing to roll the dice on any of the risks associated with the AZ jab, the responsibility now falls on young people to do the heavy lifting.

“Look at it like the housing market” said Morrison, in his very brief nationally address last night.

“Young people can play this game, if they want. But they need to understand the risks that the baby boomers have demanded we protect them from”


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