If you thought the crowds in Lygon street celebrating the Gli Azzurri victory on Monday morning were raucous, then get ready for a real party.

The 2021 Euro celebrations appear to have been completely dwarfed by today’s homecoming celebrations for the St Kilda Sneeze, as Melbourne records seven new active cases.

The news has triggered the Victorian Government to hold urgent meetings this morning to begin roadmapping a strategy to cement themselves as the lockdown champions of Australia!

Premier Dan Andrews chose to leave the North Face jacket on the rack this morning, instead opting to rock the Labor Party navy suit, as he delivered the exciting news to Victorians.

“Well…” said the Premier, during his 11:30 press conference.

“New South Wales looked like they were going to outdo us for a moment there”

Andrews chuckled as he shuffled papers on the lectern, clearly relishing his opportunity to be back at work after taking several months off to nurse a fractured vertebrae.

“Well… I’ve got news for them”

“I’m back baby….”

“And so are lockdowns”

The crowd of Dan Andrews loyalists dressed as major newspaper journalists cheered.

“All I’ve got to say is the following three words”

“It’s coming home!”

The Victorian Premier dropped the microphone and raised both fists in a cheer, as the shutters of news cameras roared.

He then turned around to hug his wife and political advisors in scenes reminiscent of his 2018 election win.

Andrews turned back to the crowd of cheering media shills and held his fingers up in a V.

“V for Victory!!” he cheered.

“V for the Virus!”

The media scrum, now at fever pitch waited in guarded ecstasy for their Premier to deliver his final words.

“V for Victoria!!!!”

Andrews then exited the stage to make way for his Chief Health officer who began to outline the specifics of the exciting new outbreak.

It has been reported that 4 of the new cases are in the Ariele Apartments complex in Maribyrnong in Melbourne’s north-west, all on the third floor of the complex. The complex was visited by two of the NSW removalists while infectious.

One of the new cases is a man in his 60s, who visited the MCG on July 10 between 4pm and 8pm.



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