ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has laughed off suggestions from Victoria that his government has shown preferential treatment to the Liberal New South Wales Government after it was revealed yesterday that the Harbour City is getting some lockdown money while Melbourne got fuck all.

“How about those Wallabies last night? Pretty good, hey. But this working-class boy prefers rugby league and my life-long obsession with my Sharkies dates back to the 60s!” said Scott Morrison this morning in Kirribilli.

“Anyway lads, this lockdown in Sydders is different. They need support,”

“In that Melbourne has already gone to the dogs. We’ve lost it, save for a few choice enclaves in the heart of the shithole. You know what they say, if you win Western Sydney, you win the election so it’d be pretty stupid of me to not essentially bribe them by forking out some lockdown money while Melbourne got told to just deal with it,”

“I don’t know why anybody is surprised at this. As if we’d help Melbourne. Melbourne hasn’t helped the Liberal Party since Malcolm Fraser. Anyway, we’re looking to the future. If you want to dwell on the past, well that’s a job for Labor.”

He then refused to answer a question until he handed the lectern over to NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian, who was promptly spoken over by Scott.

“That’s enough questions for today, come on Gladys. Inside now.”

More to come.


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