Cody Carringbah, a 19-year-old work experience kid from the office of the Prime Minister, has today revealed that his negotiations are going well with the Chief Executive Officer of Pfizer Inc.

“Yeah, like at first, I like coudn’t understand him ‘coz he’s like Greek or whatever” says Cody in reference to Albert Bourla the CEO of of the multinational pharmaceutical

“But yeah my parent’s neighbour are Greek so I know that you gotta talk real slow to them”

Cody’s update on the possibility of an acceleration of the roll-out of Pfizer jabs is positive news for the Morrison government, who have had to dismiss the continued pressure from Liberal Party stalwarts to go with the AZ jab that was manufactured by their beloved Oxford University after it took four months to get here, forcing the PM to drum up fear about the rare risk of bloodclots in an effort to buy himself more time with the already bungled roll-out.

But according to the man that Morrison has been put in charge of negotiations, things are on the up.

“Yeah like Albert is a good bloke”

“I told him to follow me on TikTok but he doesn’t use social media he reckons haha”

As revealed by the ABC earlier in the week, former prime minister Kevin Rudd was urged by senior Australian business leaders to please used his influence as a former Prime Minister to convince Pfizer executives to speak with Greg Hunt about securing extra doses for Australia.

Kevin Rudd agreed to do his part as a private citizen and met with them via Zoom following allegations from senior business figures that Scotty From Marketing hadn’t spoken to the Pfizer bosses once since the outbreak of the pandemic, instead leaving the job ito junior bureaucrats who behaved in a “rude, dismissive and penny-pinching” manner – according to sources from inside the multinational pharmaceutical provider.

However, the Morrison government are denying claims that Kevin Rudd has played any roll in helping guide Australia out of this nightmare of snap lockdowns, and says all credit should go to Cody – the son of one of his mates from Hillsong who has been hired in an unpaid work experience role in the PM’s office ever since he got sacked from his roofing apprenticeship for smoking bongs in his ute during smoko.

“Yeah Albert is a legend haha” says Cody.

“He said he’s not on at the moment, but could make a drop off like, November?”

“That all good?”


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