WHERE’S HE GONE? Former PM Kevin Rudd has had to intervene to prevent a full-scale culinary disaster, after Australia’s deadbeat dad wandered off during a crucial moment when he was supposed to be manning the barbie.

As reported by The Betoota Advocate, Kevin Rudd has since moved back into Kirribilli House, where he is now playing the role of grandfather for a nation who’s flakey dad has skipped town after heading out to the shops to buy some smokes.

It is believed that Grandpa Kev was seen sprinting across the lawns of Kirribilli House this morning to hurriedly turn over the sausages, as smoke began bellowing from the barbie.

This isn’t the first time in the last month that Kev has had to step up to help Morrison complete the most basic tasks required from him as a tax-payer funded career politician who has never faced accountability for any of his fuck ups – and in fact, actively shifts the blame on to whichever female or political opponent he can find.

In the last two days, Grandpa Kev has had to mow the lawn on Kirribilli after Jenny grew tired of nagging her husband to control of months, as well as picking the kids up from school while Scotty was blowing his pay cheque on the pokies.

This follows Rudd’s decision to step out of retirement to return to unofficial duties as an Australian statesmen appears be one he was forced into in early June – after he was approached by senior business figures who begged him to take over the negotiations with multinational pharmaceutical suppliers in an effort to accelerate our nation’s bungled jab roll-out.

Mr Rudd reluctantly agreed to offer his help as a private citizen, and did in fact pick up the phone to the American-based executives who had grown of dealing with ‘junior bureaucrats” from Scott Morrison’s office.

Today, it was the barbecue that Grandpa Kev had to take control over – after Scotty stepped inside to treat himself to another beer from the fridge.

“Jeez lucky I’m here aren’t we?” Grandpa Kev giggled, as the security guards posted up nearby nodded wholeheartedly at the shameful display of poor BBQ ettiquete.

“How can a man just disappear with everything on fire like that?”


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