In the wake of the latest Melbourne lockdown, Francesca Diavola has confirmed she is managing her expectations and getting down to business.

The owner of a popular cafe and lunch spot in Melbourne told us this morning that she has bitten the bullet and asked her suppliers to just dump the produce straight in the bin.

“There are a few bins out the back, so if you can just dump it straight in there rather than try and bring it to the store that would be great,” she reportedly told the supply driver this morning.

“Take whatever you want before you dump it, but don’t bother trying to contact me when you drop off the delivery please,” she said.

“If you have time, take it to Foodbank or Ozharvest please.”

“But if you don’t I understand.”

Her decision to cut her loses comes after the Premier of Melbourne decided to call another snap lockdown after a fresh spicy cough outbreak in her city.

“I’d already paid for the order and had it ready to go by the time they announced the lockdown,” she sighed.

“Rather than try and keep my small family business open over the next few days and run at a huge loss, we’ve decided to just shut up shop again and try and get the piddly disaster payment for the next little while.”

“Thankfully I can get it, the lady in the restaurant next to me can’t get it because of residency status, so she has to try and find a way to survive again.”

“This is our life now I guess,” said the woman who has seen most of the money saved from years of work disappear as her business has been crippled by government failure.

“When these people in charge fail, it’s not them who suffers.”

“No spicy cough jabs, inadequate contract tracing, inadequate welfare distribution models all these failures mean people like me lose their livelihoods and safety net,” Diavola sighed.

“They get it wrong over and over and over again and nothing happens.”

“That’s just how it works I guess.”


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