The Federal Government has rushed to clarify that this week’s census is not a customer satisfaction survey after receiving a number of abusive responses from citizens across the country.

In the midst of multiple lockdowns, piss-taking levels of corruption and a vaccine rollout with less jabs than Paul Gallen’s last fight, it seems the Liberal Government has been certified “Not Fresh” by the public.

This rating was assessed by the Australian Bureau Of Statistics are the Coalition receiving several poor reviews on last night’s 2021 Census, including:

“Ahhhh fuck ya”

“This has gotta be a stitch up”

“My dissatisfaction knows no bounds”

Across the entire Australian population, the government was effetively told to go and fuck itself in multiple different languages last night.

Despite this very clear feedback suggesting that the greater public couldn’t give a fuck about anything these useless toffs have to say for themselves anymore, a government spokesperson has boldly explained that the census is not the right forum for these concerns.

“The census is more for determining where people live, who they live with, how much they earn and whether they are Anglo-Saxon Catholic or something else less important than that” explained the official.

“This information is vitally important in deciding where in Eastern Sydney we’ll build our next fox-hunting reserve with multi-level carpark before the next election.”

Pushed on where citizens might be better to relay their concerns, the spokesperson (man) outlined some alternatives.

“My personal recommendation is a facebook group consisting entirely of people with the same beliefs as you. You could also relay your complain to an inanimate object, like a street light, pending lockdowns of course…”

“Or you could write to your local member.”

“These will both achieve equally effective results”


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