ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Hero Of The Pandemic Brad Hazzard has offered to yell at reporters today for Premier Gladys Berejiklian because he did the same for Dr Kerry Chant yesterday and it was received well by the public.

“I can speak for you,” said Brad.

“I won’t let them bully you or ask you questions. The mean journalists have no respect for us. I was a high school teacher and a partner at a law firm above a Surf Dive And Ski in Manly, I’m almost too qualified to be the Health Minister during a pandemic,”

“Just give me a sign and I’ll tell that Andrew Probyn to fuck off. Tap your left foot twice if you want me to chin Chris O’Keefe. I’ll fucking do it.”

The Premier thanked Brad for his offer but handled the press conference by herself.

After Gladys was finished, Brad stepped up to the podium to shed some light on what happened yesterday at the lockdown inquiry.

He cleared his throat.

“But, first, remember, remember, remember the signs,” he said.

“Say them to yourself when you wake in the morning and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning,”

“Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters,”

“Stay off the beach and wash your hands. Thank you.”

More to come.


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