It’s official. Melbourne knows how to do a lockdown better than anyone else.

This week marks 200 collective days that the Victorian Capital has spent indoors since the pandemic began. Melbourne is now only second behind London for the city that has spent the most time locked down.

Their Premier Dan Andrews says he is hopeful the current restrictions only last for one more fortnight, but unfortunately this hyper-contagious new delta variant means zero doesn’t necessarily mean zero anymore.

But regardless of whether the traditional model of lockdowns work against this mutated virus or not, they certainly aren’t going to be able to open back up their economy if they can’t get any of those photos of Melbourne’s empty streets.

Andrews announced tougher new restrictions for right across the city yesterday, including a curfew, the closure of playgrounds, and a two-week extension of the current lockdown. The curfew will be in force from 9:00pm to 5:00am each day.

As part of the new restrictions, playgrounds, basketball courts, skate parks and outdoor exercise equipment will be closed.

“No more playgrounds.” said Andrews.

“The sound of childrens laughter suggests that we aren’t locking down hard enough.

“Also no more night time running. That is also not a good look”

“We want photos of empty streets, so that we can compare them to photos of Bondi, and make a point that this is no ones fault but the irresponsible people from that other city that we are obsessed with comparing ourselves to”

The Victorian Premier’s comments have been met with backlash by Sydney residents who refute the claims that they haven’t been taking their lockdown seriously for the last 8 weeks.

“They can say that all they want” said Andrews.

“But where are their photos of empty streets?”

“If you don’t have a photo of a ghostly graffiti-strewn laneway, or tram tracks with absolutely no one in sight… Then unfortunately you aren’t taking lockdown seriously”


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