ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A study released by the EMA (Exhausted Medical Association) today has concluded that people in the community who do not want to wear a mask for whatever reason should wear a less-intrusive plastic bag over their head instead.

Plastic bags, while now harder to find, are readily available across Australia.

Many are owned by anti-mask conspiracists who are just as inclined to believe in the existence of dolphins choking on plastic waste as they are to believe that their are currently infected patients choking on their own lungs in ICU wards right around the country.

This breakthrough has come at the perfect time as the state governments again try to to drill home that that this virus is being spread by people not wearing masks, which again upset the anti-mask anti-vaxxer conspiracists.

However, this time, the plastic bag mask as been marketed very differently to your average disposables protective wear – with the government employing the use of the same style of grainy JPEGs that are known to resonate with unqualified people who think they are smarter than the word’s most learned medical minds.

It seems many in the fringe community have already begun to wear a plastic bag on their head, which has pleased the government, and the rest of the nation currently stuck in lockdown.

“At least with plastic bags we know who is making them!” said one local Betoota Grove conspiracist, Boydy Longbottom (44), as he readjusted his new headwear.

“Bill Gates can shove his face mask mind control up his arse” he muffled into the condensation slowly covering his face.

The Morrison Government has yet to reply to this masthead’s repeated requests for comment.

More to come.


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