CHUMP-E-YUN: NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has confirmed that the bizarre ban on construction work in Greater Sydney will go ahead, despite rumours that it would be reviewed and repealed were spread this morning by conservative media commentators acting on behalf of developers.

Berejiklian defended the decision by simply pointing out that majority of Australia’s tradespeople come from the exact same suburbs that have been affected most as the outbreak spread from the Eastern Suburbs to the working class communities further west.

“What we can’t have is people, especially who may not even have symptoms, visiting multiple worksites, visiting construction sites with hundreds of workers and spreading the disease”.

The state recorded 98 new locally acquired cases, as restrictions tighten for local government areas in Sydney’s south-west.

The Premier’s decision to stand down the city’s tradies and construction workers for a fortnight has struck a terrifying blow to the metropolitan property market, as it becomes clear no one is able to turn a buck in that failed state without the constant development of shonky apartment buildings and yearly renovations for the purpose of property flipping.

The construction ban will also have profound affects on the home-learning education programs in Sydney, as hundreds of thousands of kids will now spend the next two weeks playing Xbox with dad.

One industry, however, that isn’t going to feel too much of a whack is the monopolised bottle shop sector.

With the liquor trade roaring throughout the great South-West, one local bottle-o employee has revealed that he has been called ‘champ’ 4,563 different times today, as he wades through the wave of temporarily laid off construction workers who don’t know what the fuck to do with themselves at lunch time on a Monday.

“It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before” says Abhik, one of four staff members working the floor at this Bankstown bottle shop.

“It’s like the usual 3pm rush, but it’s lasted from 9am till close”

“Its Western Sydney, so I’ve gotten a few bros and a couple uces too”

“A handful of cuz and bras”

“but yes, it’s been overwhelmingly ‘champ’ or ‘chief’


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