The Federal Opposition Leader, whose name is Anthony Albanese, has today doubled down on his proposed a $300 cash bonus for Australians who have received both jabs by December 1.

Despite the government’s hysterical criticism towards an idea that gives money to working people instead of tax-dodging multinationals, the only Labor policy to to reported by the media this year seems to resonate well with voters, who are all financially fucked by these non-stop lockdowns caused by a bungled jab roll-out.

The cash incentive is an attempt by the oppositions to provide motivation to Australians to find a GP or pharmacist that is providing jabs, after a nightmarish six months of constantly changing public health advice from Scotty From Marketing.

The cash incentive would land a month before Christmas, and would also provide an economic boost to businesses.

However, one concern that Australians do have with Anthony Albanese’s proposal is the fact that they might have to report the cash bonus.

The Betoota Advocate hit the streets to find out how this policy was resonating with the increasingly financial anxious Quiet Australians.

“What, do I have report this to the taxman?” says Ken Coorey (45), a Strathfield bricklayer.

“Fuck that”

Toowoomba hairdresser, Kylie Peck (62) also shares these same concerns.

“I’m being taxed out the arse. I wouldn’t mind a bit of walking around cheddar”

“Something to just hold, ya know”

Woolgoolga grocer Marty Singh (72) says this $300 bonus is a good idea, but he’d prefer if it was cold and hard.

“The last thing small businesses need is a wave of eft-pos transactions. The government knows we don’t want them looking at this shit”

“Cash is king. You’d have to be a fucken idiot to not know that”

However, Albanese is begging Australians to look at the fine print of this proposed policy.

“This won’t be landing in your back account” said the Labor leader.

“We are keeping Centrelink and the ATO robots the fuck away from this”

When asked how he was planning on getting $300 to 20 million Australians without using a computer, Albo sneered.

“What do you fucken think?”

“Envelopes mate”

“Of course the $300 is gonna be in cash mate, what do I look fucken stupid to you”

Albanese then asked our reporters to leave his cafe so he could compose himself.

“Figlio di puttana!” he muttered.


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