National Party Deputy Leader and Agriculture Minister David Littleproud MP, has today received one of the most deranged pieces of correspondence in his entire political career.

And that’s saying something, as the Member for Maranoa in Outback Queensland.

The Prime Minister has today emailed Littleproud asking him to utilise his supreme agricultural skills and round up two of every animal on the planet, and transport them to Kirribilli House via horse floats.

“What’s this goose up to now?” sighed Littleproud, the same man who was dragged to Cobargo during the bushfires.

“We leave at dusk” Scotty’s email finished.

“P.S If you don’t know what I’m referring to, then you can haven’t done your Bible studies homework.. and you can’t come with us.”

As the rains make their way south and flooding begins in the only towns that the government cares about, it seems new tactics are being explored to deal with the endless natural disasters that our unwell planet keeps throwing at us.

For decades, rural Australians have always claimed that the Federal Government only cares about NSW, with ‘NSW’ standing for Newcastle, Sydney Wollongong.

This week, the theory was confirmed – as the Prime Minister took an entire week to send defence personnel to the flood-ravaged Northern Rivers and South-East Queensland.

However, now that floodwaters are rising in the Hillsong heartlands of Cronulla and North Sydney – Scotty has to act quick!

That’s if he wants to stop people who actually matter from having to go through what Lismore has gone through over the last couple months.

In fact, it seems that with Manly Dam currently overflowing – It has only just sunk in for the Prime Minister, that these floods could be his problem too.

That’s why he’s started to make some calls. Emerging from his 7 days isolation today, Scotty From Marketing drove directly to Bunnings and began preparing the enormous wooden vessel that will ensure the future existence of humankind in the Hillsong utopia.

At time of press, David Littleproud had just finished the painstaking task of capturing the two cassowaries with a length of nylon general purpose rope, before realising they were both female.


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