EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

With the election just around the corner, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has decided to put on his marketing hat once again today to come up with a new campaign that can benefit both his public image and aged care workers – and also his insatiable thirst for violence.

After watching just one episode of Squid Game, which he caught onto a bit late, Scotty was inspired by the idea of pitting poor people against one another for money instead of simply increasing the minimum wage for aged care workers.

This comes as aged care workers continue to raise concerns about being paid just $22 an hour for exhausting physical and mental labour.

Struggled to persevere in such taxing conditions, this has caused many to pivot into more lucrative areas of healthcare or to embark on an entirely new career, leaving the aged care industry in dire need of workers.

Much like society’s attitude towards aging in general, it seems like the government really doesn’t give a shit about old people, considering by the time most pollies reach their twilight years, they’ll no doubt have the money needed to personally exploit their own aged care worker.

As opposed to the plebs, who’ll either be put in god’s waiting room with one aged care worker per twenty geriatrics, or collapse in the living room only to be discovered three weeks later when a concerned postman peers through the window.

But luckily, Scotty has come up with the perfect solution to reinvigorate the aged care sector, by urging workers to compete for a final jackpot that increases $400 each time a worker dies.

This is set to encourage those considering leaving to hold on for a little bit longer, for the chance to net themselves a cool $60 million.

It’s believed the incentive will be brought in at the start of next week, with the Prime Minister saying ‘let the games begin.’


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