IN-Focus

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Bryan Coates and his mates have just stumbled out of their favourite pub in Betoota’s trendy meat packing district and on to the high street. Despite there being a smorgasbord of alcoholic serving establishments with over 4.5 stars on TripAdvisor within 500m, the group are listening to one dickhead mate who suggested they travel...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Clerical assistant Nina Barnes (25) believed herself to have an iron will but has ultimately tripped at the first hurdle and joined in at work drinks on just day six of Dry July. When office pisshead Alex Noble (43) dished out the afternoon drinks he mistakingly poured a dry white for Barnes, forgetting she was...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Boyfriends across the nation are on high-alert as Betoota University professors released a report confirming that ‘just a couple of chips,’ is a girlfriend’s gateway to eating half of her boyfriend’s meal. The ‘Gateway Chip’ theory has been hypothesised as far back as the 70’s but has now been confirmed following the landmark study. Dr Sam Anderson...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The inhabitants of Spoon Street in the leafy northern suburb of Betoota Grove are salivating this morning, after spotting a newly delivered skip bin sitting on the curb. The skip bin was dropped off by the Farrugia Brothers, the Maltese family who rule the demolition and waste industry roost in the Diamantina Shire (by questionable means at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Before heading into battle today, an ageing Betoota Heights father stole a minute to sun himself on his back deck while he enjoyed a warming cup of tea and a Rothman Red. In that moment, he says, he feels completely free. Nothing can bring him down. Looking on from the relative safety of inside, Allan Stevenson's wife Wanda said that he...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Out on his usual Wednesday morning run in Canberra, Opposition leader Bill Shorten took the time to come up with a few good barbs to throw back at David Leyonhjelm - just in case the unpopular misogynist comes after him at work today. Flanked by his ex-SAS bodyguards as they jogged around Lake Burley-Griffin, the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Southside columnist and Sky News television presenter Andrew Bolt, woke up in the early hours of this morning inside the bowels of his own personal hell after getting on the 86 outside his Docklands office - where he quickly passed out. Initial reports suggest the conservative commentator was only planning to get the tram across the river to meet...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "That's funny, I should have almost $3000 on that card," he said loud and bright like a flashbang. "Here, try my American Express." The card linked to Samuel Davis' everyday transaction account had just been declined. As part of his morning ritual, the 27-year-old city worker stopped off at his favourite hole-in-the-wall cafe in the French Quarter before he made his...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Andrew Gregory has never been what you might call a hat person. However, over the past 6 months, the presence of a cap on his head has been duly noted by people around the town. This has lead to much speculation as to what the actual reason for Andrew’s sudden concern for sun safety, with some...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Diane Palmer has a half a carport full of aluminium drinking cans and nowhere to put them. Close to ten thousand empty Betoota Bitter cans have been painstakingly packed into empty superphosphate bags - then packed once again by the dozen into wool bales. The 47-year-old and her husband Greg started saving their empties after the New South Wales Government...