CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
In breaking news this evening, it can be revealed that the first of twelve months in the 2021 calendar year is almost at an end – and you may as well still be hungover watching test match cricket at your parent’s house because that’s how much you have achieved in the 20 days you’ve had back at work.
Other reports indicate that you are still as overweight, if not more overweight than you were on news years day, and you actually haven’t stopped drinking piss since the Melbourne Cup.
With the first long weekend of 2021 done and dusted, you may as well give up on any goals you might have had leading into the new year.
You lazy sack of shit.
Also, Dry July is also a fair few months off, so any attempts at bringing yourself into check and altering your self destructive lifestyle – without the veil of charity – will be laughed at by your family and friends, as we all know you aren’t really gonna take it seriously and commit to a real health kick.
At time of press, it was reported that you were trying to laugh off the introspective article you just read about yourself, while also comparing yourself to your few friends that live an even more dysfunctional life than you.